A Simple Choice

Every day, so many people wake up and decide not to be happy. I am often one of them. I wish I was strong. I wish I was a good person. I wish I could figure out what to do. But what does wishing do? In real life, nothing. That’s why I gave up on wishing a long time ago and switched to praying.

But when you’re too weak to pray, what do you do? What can you do? In my experience, you lose whatever weak hold you had on life and spin out of control. It doesn’t take much to slip into worldliness. It doesn’t take much more to slip into sadness, nothingness. But Heaven forbid anyone find out you’re not what you used to be. No, you keep going through the motions, trying to cling to belief while having no idea what your mind is doing anymore. It’s like being two different people.

Who knows how long you live like this? But it can’t last forever. It never does. One small, broken, yet honest prayer turns it all around. Because at last you’ve turned to the one person who can give you what you’re looking for: Peace. Hope. Joy. Love. Rest. But more than anything, Him. You’ve been searching and searching, all the while turning away. But He’s been there all along. You were the only one who could walk away from the conversation. He never left.

This isn’t the end. Rather, just the beginning. And things are not going to get better overnight. You have a long road of repentance, healing, and hard work ahead of you. But now you’re back on the path. And maybe you’ll stray from it again, probably often. But if you found it once, you can find it again. And you’re not by any means alone or in the dark. There’s a light shining constantly behind the clouds.There’s a driving wind behind you. A whispering wind.

A gentle, healing wind.

 

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2 thoughts on “A Simple Choice

  1. I think I’ve experienced many of the emotions you’ve described here in a very similar way. Sadness, confusion, and loneliness – which seems a little strange when you’re surrounded by people who love you, right? Oftentimes, I will believe that it’s possible to depend on one person or dump all my hopes onto them. It’s difficult to separate those feelings from my true loyalties to God and my family.

    One day I was in church and it just hit me – how could I think I should ever depend on anyone else but God? Why do I need anyone but Him? I wasn’t really thinking I should abandon everyone else in my life and live as a hermit (haha). Rather, I felt free from my expectations of everyone else. I needed to stop desperately clinging to those around me and cling first to the God who created and loves us.

    Those moments don’t come often enough, however. I struggle with this problem every day. And it’s true that prayer helps – it always helps. In my case it also helped to focus on my own goals and my life instead of someone else’s. If I was satisfied with the decisions I was making, I didn’t need saving from others.

    I know our situations aren’t really the same, but I hope this helps.

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